Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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