where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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