i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Couch. On fire.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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