I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
