I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
