If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
