Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
