WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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