I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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