he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize