Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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