just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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