Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
