the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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