I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
