I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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