I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
