i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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