i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
