It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
