just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize