11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
