that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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