once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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