you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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