you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
