erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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