Sry I called you an 8
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who died my cat blue again?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
