he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
