Your face is a jimmy john
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize