Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
