Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
