Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
