Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
