Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The best revenge is premature balding
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
