i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
