I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize