The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
