garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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