FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
