Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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