i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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