yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
