She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
