I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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