i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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