I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize