my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
