No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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