i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
