You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
