non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
