doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
