it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize