Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
