I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
