I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we're so committed to being not committed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
