No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
