A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
