If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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